Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
