There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
