from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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