Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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