Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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