May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
