24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The beer is more important than you right now.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
