allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
