I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
