Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
