party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
