I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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