just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
