I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
