I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
