Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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