that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
