This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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