I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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