Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
