Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
