the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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