I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
