atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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