Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
