you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
