ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I use my feet as sexual weapons
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
