I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
