fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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