My first STD was from a foam party
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
