Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
