Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
