did you get engaged???
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
