to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
