I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Boobs are out for the taking
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
