My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
