is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
