Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
