You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
