She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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