i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
