...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
