Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
