My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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