We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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