I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
