You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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