He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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