if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
