what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I checked into jail on foursquare
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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