i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
