he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
