i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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