____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
