I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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