I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
