Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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