this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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