yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
